Questions Without Answers

Yesterday I found myself questioning. Questioning life. Questioning my purpose. Questioning God.



I know. I have no right.

I know. He doesn't answer to anyone - especially me.



I couldn't help it. I spent my evening watching a friend mourn the loss of her oldest son. He was 14.



He was diagnosed with Leukemia about a year ago and had a bone marrow transplant in recent months. The problems came with the medication he was given to try to keep his body from rejecting the transplant. He suffered a severe allergic reaction (called Stevens-Johnson Syndrome) which caused blisters in the mucous membranes and skin deterioration so bad that his casket had to remain closed. Over the last few weeks his mother watched helplessly as her son's body destroyed itself.



At the funeral home we waited in a long line of everything from middle-school boys to grandparents. As we moved closer to the head of the line we could see my friend (Heidi) graciously accepting the condolences of each and every person. Standing there I was both anxiously anticipating my chance to throw my arms around her and increasingly apprehensive about what I would say.

I Squeezed her tightly as we exchanged a few words and shared a lot of tears. I wish I had something insightful to say. I wish I could have carried her load, if only for a moment to allow her to regain her footing. I wish . I wish. I wish.

It's days like this that remind me that sometimes the only place we can look to for comfort is up. The only person that can carry us through it is Jesus. And the only thing we can do is trust.

It only took 18 months

Guess what!?!?!?!?!? My husband had my watch battery replaced today!

What am I going to give him a hard time about now?????

Snapshots of Christmas

Our house has been taken over by a GIANT DORA!

Garrett got the COOLEST t-shirt!

Robby didn't even make it out of his PJ's before he had to take a turn on the Wii the kids got from my brother for Christmas. I thought he was going to take out the ceiling fan with his haphazard golf swing!

Christmas Tree Update

Sorry I didn't get the "Evolved" Christmas tree pics posted sooner. . . After spending $25.00 on a new (high-tech) stand we were able to get the tree to stay upright and finish decorating it. Nothing went smoothly though. Remember the lights that weren't working? Well, I bought a few replacements but I plan to wait until the after Christmas sales to get what I really need. This meant I had to neglect the back of the tree because I didn't have enough lights to maintain the "standard" all the way around. No big deal. Nobody really sees the back anyway and the reflection off the window would give the illusion of more lights. Unfortunately, the tree really didn't want to show it's better side. After fighting with it for a good hour I gave up and turned it around. It took me awhile to realize how silly I was being and even though I'm sure it would be prettier facing forward (the way I designed it) it is a beautiful tree. As frustrating as it was,(I actually considered throwing the stupid thing off the back porch!) it gave me an excellent opportunity to talk to the kids about planning. While God expects us to make plans for ourselves, He also reminds us frequently that our plan is irrelevant to Him and He will adjust it any time He finds it's necessary. We can be stubborn and fight it and try to do things our way, but that will just waste time and energy. Sometimes we just have to adjust our expectations and rearrange our priorities. Sometimes it's necessary to look at things from a different perspective and focus on what's really important. . . and sometimes the tree just wants to face the wall!


I also put out MY train (Yes. I am a little possessive!) which hasn't been out of the box in at least 4 years. I love my little train and it brings back some great childhood memories, so I'm not really sure why it hasn't been out in so long. I guess it started with not wanting the kids to break it (this is not a "toy" train) and I was being selfish and not wanting to share! It was hard to do, but I let Garrett and Lindsay help set up the track and they have even worked the controls a couple of times!

Last night we had the annual Bates Family Christmas party. Having so many people in the house is both fun and challenging. It's nice to catch up with people we don't see often and I got to show off the decorations that I worked so hard on (HA HA)! With all the adults moving around it was hard for Lindsay and Brayden to find a place to play where they weren't getting stepped on, but they are resourceful little people. They found the perfect little hiding place. . .

What, No Snow!

I was really hoping it would snow yesterday. Not a crazy blizzard or anything, just enough to dust the ground with a beautiful, sparkling, white blanket. Instead it's 70 degrees outside and no chance for the blanket of snow I was counting on. Now I have a decision to make. See, I was depending on that snow to cover the leaves that have been littering my yard for a while now. I was hoping to keep all of our company from seeing what we didn't do this Fall. I was hoping to disguise our laziness with snow.

O Christmas Tree, Fallen Christmas Tree

I'm sure you have been checking my blog with great anticipation waiting to see the "evolution" of our Christmas tree. I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. I did get the lights we needed and had them all put on by Tuesday morning, but the speed bumps keep coming. While the kids were at school I put most of the "boring" ornaments on the tree. They never want to mess with the plain ones and I like to put them deep in the tree to reflect the lights so I knew they wouldn't mind. I also took the time to take all "their" ornaments out of the boxes and placed them neatly in rows along the wall. This way the kids could just pick up the ones they wanted to hang and go to it. I absolutely love to hear them talk about the ornaments and the memories that go along with them as they see their favorites that have been packed away for a year. (OK. More like 10 months. We almost had a Valentines Day tree this year!) You can't replace the sparkle in their eyes as they think of Christmas past. I have been told I get the same look when I unpack my own childhood ornaments and those with special memories for me.

Well. The kids didn't have the opportunity to walk down memory lane with their ornaments yet because our tree decided it would rather lay on the carpet then be upright in the tree stand! After 3 crashes to the floor we realized that the problem lies in the stand. It has served us faithfully for years, but it is worn and in need of retirement.

So. The tree is leaning, half naked, against the wall and the new tree stand is sitting in the box. Maybe tomorrow the tree that refuses to stand will become the tree filled with memories. Only time will tell.

Good Vibrations?

We recently watched Cynthia's friend Payton play hockey (a first for us). It was fun to see her out there in all her gear gliding across the ice. I was impressed.



The cold of the arena had us all huddled together on the metal bleachers trying not to shiver. Lindsay was sitting next to Robby asking about the number of school days left before Christmas break when she felt something vibrate. She looked up at him and said matter-of-factly "Mom's phone is ringing." Seemed logical since I almost always have my phone on vibrate, but I had walked out to the lobby and had my phone with me. Being embarrassed about the true cause of the vibration Robby tried to ignore her, but she continued to ask about it. Needless to say, he was quite uncomfortable sitting on the crowded bleachers having sprung an air leak with his daughter announcing it to everyone within earshot. At least it wasn't stinky!