PhoneEar disease

Cynthia in her "normal" pose.

The allure of Chuck E Cheese's is gone for this poor girl. She has the unfortunate disease that causes any telecommunication device she comes into contact with to attach itself to her ear and refuse to release for hours on end. This disorder, common among girls her age, includes such symptoms as glazed-over eyes, uncontrollable jaw movements alternating with stiffness and immobility, inability to recognize surroundings, inability to regulate voice volume, overwhelming desire to maintain a physical connection with the telecommunication device, extreme withdrawal simply from THINKING about separation, and lost capacity for any time management whatsoever. As of today, there is no known cure.