FOOTSIES

While riding home from our usual Tuesday night dining spot (Mark’s of course, and Yes. We pet the pig!) my family engaged in a rather odd conversation. It all started with Cynthia reminding me that I owe her a foot-rub. I told her that I would stick to my end of the bargain (I lost the bet!) BUT she had to wash those stinky things first. There was no way I was getting anywhere close to those stinky things after 4 hours of being confined to soccer cleats!

Anyway. The conversation quickly changed to an all out family war (of words) with everyone having something to say about someone else’s feet! It soon became apparent that our family has foot issues. Let me elaborate. . .

I have an addiction to polish on my toes. I can’t remember the last time I had naked toes except for the time it takes to change polish. Even in the winter when no one sees my toes. They are ALWAYS polished.

Robby on the other hand, does everything humanly possible to keep people from seeing his feet. He thinks they’re ugly. Sandal shopping for him is ridiculous! He won’t wear anything that shows his toes. And walking around barefoot (like at the pool) –you would think he was buck-naked. It makes him so uncomfortable.

Now Cynthia. She likes to BITE her own TOENAILS! Yes. I know it’s disgusting, but she has improved. She used to EAT them TOO! I wonder how long it’ll be before she gets another kiss?!?!?!? She assures me that she has outgrown this unique habit, but I’m not too sure. . .

Kimberly isn’t far behind. She recently decided that it was fun to BITE OTHER PEOPLE’S FEET! You take your shoes and socks off and next thing you know she’s gnawing on your heel! It does tickle unrelentingly, but who puts someone else’s dirty, stinky, sweaty feet in their mouth?? That’d be my daughter.

Garrett has his own little problem. His feet smell like something dead and rotten. It’s so bad that he has been accused of passing gas when he walks by WITH his shoes ON! I don’t have to worry about girls chasing him anytime soon (at least not any that have a sense of smell!)

And last, but not least, there’s little Lindsay. If you are barefoot around her be prepared for an interesting experience. She has an overwhelming desire to pick toe jam. It doesn’t matter whose toes the little fuzzies have made a home between—she will pick them out. She usually doesn’t give any warning either.


So, if you want your toes polished, hidden, bitten or picked you know where to come. Just remember. Weirdness is contagious!